SURE THING

Elijah Pines

Maria didn’t look down. She should’ve looked down, but instead, she looked at the small crowd surrounding her. Particularly, she caught the eyes of a couple to her left. The man was bald by fashion choice, and the woman’s purple dress and colorful chunky jewelry made her look like an english teacher. Maria stared at them and they stared back, judging her. As she looked on at their anticipating faces, she realized how the past few weeks had been snowballing to this awful night.

Today was Danny’s birthday, and for weeks she had been pestering him about what he would like. But instead, Danny decided to be himself and turn it into a joke. Whenever Maria asked, Danny would simply put on this smile, the one where he bites his lower lip and raises his eyebrows as if there was an inside joke Maria doesn’t know about, and said “you’ll know what I want on my birthday”. Which was all fun and games, except Danny and Maria had been dating for 5 years; their relationship was not a game. 

Maria decided to buy Danny an Aaron Rodgers jersey, because it’s the only thing she could think of that Danny liked besides tits and Rocket League. She put it in a box and wrapped it in football themed wrapping paper left over from her nephew’s baptism. She decided on giving it to him at Buddy’s, their favorite casual diner, but last minute Danny decided he wanted to go to an art exhibit opening beforehand. So, Maria had to get dressed up, do her hair, and put on eyeliner, which wasn’t symmetrical, but if she fixed it they would have been late. 

They arrived at the exhibit. Only 8 other people showed up. Despite this, the artist still acted as if he was in the louvre. The concept of the show was that he took pictures of normal people on the street and then went home and painted their portrait. Except, upon examination, Maria found that all of the paintings were of older women, and almost all of them had this face of slight surprise. It made her question if any of their pictures were taken consensually. Occasionally, she looked at the other patrons to see if they shared the same disgust. Most, however, seemed to be in awe of this guy’s subpar impasto. One brutish pair even took a selfie with one of the portraits. The two were college age boys who were far too young to have their kind of money, and far too incompetent to buy anything good with it. They wore expensive yet boring brands, unaware that the mediocre logo did not constitute fashion. It seemed as if the price tag was akin to a blanket a child ties around their shoulders. And in between them was the terrible portrait of a woman with groceries in her hands. On its own, her face was unusual, as if she had an awkward encounter with the viewer. But next to these boys, her expression was one of a forced acceptance. This was a situation Maria had seen many times, mostly at shitty bars with men who could legally drink and women who could legally punch them.

The gallery itself felt no bigger than her bedroom, and with the walls absolutely plastered in the strange portraits. They seemed to be in columns, with every other column protruding from the wall slightly. The wall became a wave, which made Maria spin. She quietly tugged on Danny’s arm and asked if they could leave, but Danny had somehow floated into this discussion between the artist and a group of 4 local art students. All of them had bold fashion choices and all of them looked exactly the same. The conversation was dreadfully boring quips about artists they found inspiring and how much they liked the show. It seemed as though the students were so enamored by the medium, they couldn’t see through to the actual content. It was amazing how many words spewed out of their mouth, and how at the same time so little was said.

Maybe it was the repetitive conversation, maybe it was the fact that her hair was tied too tight, but the walls certainly weren’t helping, and Maria began to feel sick. Like Danny, she had her own unique smile. Hers was a simple friendly smile, that to all others was nothing more than what it presented. She showed off to everyone in the group, making sure everyone could see just how joyous she was. But when she reached Danny, she made direct eye contact, and raised her eyelids just so. This was Maria’s well mannered way of saying “get me the fuck out of here”. Danny, usually, was smart and took the hint. But instead, he panicked. Danny called for the crowd’s attention. Everyone, including the artist, surrounded Danny and Maria. He got down on one knee and pulled out a small suede box. 

That’s when Maria looked up. She couldn’t believe what was happening to her, and looked to the crowd to confirm her feelings of shock. Instead, she found nine faces lighting up with joy at her nightmare. Nine. The worst number of people possible. Nine people is large enough to be a crowd, and small enough to be intimate with each person. And they were all looking at her and her wonky eyeliner, with the wonderful backdrop of retired women looking frightened. She watched the art students, and how they lit up at the surface level thoughts of romance. She watched the college boys, and noticed how they cowarded a little at the thought of commitment. She watched the couple, and knew that they would take this moment and pretend that their own failed relationship was just as romantic. In fact, their relationship was just as romantic.

Five years, Danny and Maria had been dating. Five years she had been pestering him to finally do it, grow up, get a real job and real hobbies, bend the knee, and propose. Finally he did it and he did it so wrong. She looked down when she finally realized how truly ugly the couple in front of her was. She looked at the ring; an opal, half a carat, and half of Danny’s bank account. Behind the ring was Danny, once again wearing his dumb grin that pisses Maria off. She wished so desperately to disappear: to fade off into the walls, and yet somehow she knew she was already there.

“Yes” answered Maria. She didn’t think about it, she just said it. How could she not? Hadn’t she suffered enough? She put on that dress, she did her hair, she held a boring conversation, she smiled when she didn’t want to, she put on this whole show to make Danny happy. Oh, and Danny was happy. The little crowd clapped, and the two frat bros cheered. Danny jolted up and hugged Maria, lifting her to her feet, and placed her back down harshly on her heels. She stumbled a little, and everyone laughed. Danny took her hand, and slid the ring onto her finger. From out of nowhere, a camera flashed. The artist poked out from behind the camera, and winked at her. Finally, Danny took Maria out of the exhibit.

In the car, Maria tried to talk to Danny, but he got a call from a friend. He put the call on bluetooth as he drove them to Buddy’s. Maria watched as he talked fervently, a bit about the engagement, but mostly about the other things Danny cared about. She looked out the window and watched as the passing shops and businesses turned off their lights and closed for the evening. They came to a raised bridge that went over a river, and waited at the gate for it to lower. Just then, Maria looked down at her ring and noticed it: a little chip dead center. She took the ring off and held it in her palm, as she watched the river flow by her.